What is wrong with the people in my house?

My son is taking his toy light saber and holding it to his boy parts.

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My daughter has been singing "I have cavities in my butt butt."

"I have a dog in my butt butt."

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My husband joins in "I have a squirrel in my butt."

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My mother emailed me... my dad is upset about his "mustard collection".

She said "It took him years to build up that collection."

So, when she just called me I said to her "Tell that man IT'S FOOD NOT A COLLECTION!!!"

Seriously!

You collect coins... NOT MUSTARD!

No wonder he doesn't feel well most of the time!

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Little kid drama is just as stupid and ridiculous as grown up drama.

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There's always "that" kid in school that's so annoying no one wants to be friends with them... it's just sad when even parents want nothing to do with "that" kid either.

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My cat is a kitty crack addict.

It started with the Fancy Feast appetizers.

He would only get one a day around the same time that we would eat dinner.

If we were off schedule for some reason, he'd let us know by pawing at the cabinet where we keep his canned food.

He started pawing at the cabinet earlier and earlier.

I said to the husband one day that it was like the cat is addicted to that stuff.

It's almost like he's a crack addict needing his fix.

We switched him to cheaper canned food... and he still acts the same.

I try telling him crack is whack, yo...

Doesn't matter.

Maybe it's time for an intervention.

Or maybe I need to just stop enabling him...

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I can't believe I admitted to another parent from Jack's class that I'm obsessed with NKOTB and Donnie Wahlberg.

Why do people let me talk?

Stupid shit always comes out.

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Football is on in my house....

They just said "penetration".

*giggles*

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And no sooner did I type that ↑ and Donnie Wahlberg tweeted "One word... BALLS!"

*giggles*

Balls... and penetration...

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I want a washing machine that can sort laundry, wash, dry and fold all on its own.

But I want it to wait until there's at least a medium sized load of laundry before it washes them...

And I don't want to have to do anything but go down to get the folded clothes.

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Seriously?

South Beach Diet Bars commercial...

Who looks at a chick walking down the street and says that she looks healthy?

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